Tuesday, 28 June 2011

I like sex. A lot.

I have wondered about sex for an extremely long time. I can remember my fascination probably began when I was about 13 years old. This was the year I first saw an  episode of 'Erotic Tales', this was the year I developed my first crush and I believe it was also the year that I first started masturbating.

For some reason in my imaginings my first time always took place outside, it didn't. My imaginings also included a tall blonde guy, but he wasn't present anywhere during my first time. The lesson to be learned here is that life is always different to the fantasy. When I first signed up to that first chat site, I never expected to be having my first kiss a couple of days later, I never expected that the day after that kiss a guy would want to go down on me and I certainly never expected that six months later I would be having sex with that same guy.

After my I had my first time I was extremely keen to have another try. In my head that first time was a very surreal experience. I could hardly believe during the act that I was actually having sex. Someone was kissing me, someone was putting his penis inside me, someone was coming inside of me. I wanted to do it all again, and soon.

On Sunday night I had that opportunity. I found myself to be very nervous. By this time my shyness around Mr Good-Company had pretty much disappeared, but on this night I found those nerves returning. Before I left for his place I was all shakey, my anxiety returning. I assume my nerves were behaving like this because this time the sex would be intentional, not an accident. I was making a conscious decision to have sex with Mr Good-Company.

My nerves calmed down a little once I arrived at Mr Good-Company's home and we watched tv for a bit before we started fooling around on the couch. When we went into the bedroom Mr Good-Company removed his clothes and helped with the removal of my own.

I hadn't brought any toys with me this time, wanting to experience 'normal' sex. I had told Mr Good-Company that I was nervous, so perhaps it was just my imagination but he seemed to be kissing and biting me more gently than usual. It was quite nice.

We continued to fool around, Mr Good Company continuing to bite me, kiss me and finger me whilst I stroked his cock. He fingered me and gave me oral until I came and then I sucked him for a while before he stopped me and asked if I wanted to ride his cock. My answer was yes.

I had wanted to do this for a very long time. Every time I was straddling him, rubbing my clit against his cock, I had wanted to give in and fuck him. Now I could. Mr Good-Company put a condom on and lay down. I straddled him and slid his penis inside of me. I was having sex!

It was awesome fun. Mr Good-Company had his hands on my hips, helping with the required movements. I could feel his cock moving in and out of me. It felt warm, so much nicer and more enjoyable than any sex toy I've ever used. I felt as if I couldn't stop smiling. Both from how good it felt and from the sheer joy of the fact that I was actually having sex.

I have no idea how long I could have continued riding him, I didn't find out as Mr Good-Company suggested we try something different. I moved off him and he directed me onto my hands and knees and positioned himself behind me. He placed himself inside of me and proceeded to fuck me from behind. This felt different again and I found myself moaning into the sheets as he began to move faster and harder, eventually coming.

The next night I wasn't expecting anything, I hadn't had fun with Mr Good-Company two nights in a row since our first week of meeting. I was talking to Mr Good-Company online, it would have been very obvious that sex was on my mind, I just had so many questions, powered by the fact that I also quite horny. What are some fun things to try? Was I any fun to 'play' with? Would he have sex with me at my favourite place? What did he like about taking me from behind?

We were talking about possible thing's to try when this conversation occurred:
j-carlson says:
wat else?
(i may or may not be playing...)
goodcompany says:
j-carlson says:
shhh! cmon, any other ideas lol
goodcompany says:
anal doggie while u use a vibe on your clit
j-carlson says:
hmmm, but i havnt mastered anal yet, apparently it's quite painful for a few days after the first go
goodcompany says:
if your here in 3 minutes ill try it on you lol
j-carlson says:
i culd be there in 5...
goodcompany says:
make it 4 and ill time you
if your late you have to go home lol
j-carlson says:
no way!
goodcompany says:
up to you
j-carlson says:
lol dude if i get over there and u tell me to go i might be tempted to smack u
goodcompany says:
j-carlson says:
see ya soon then i guess
goodcompany says:
bring lube
j-carlson says:
start timing... (um are u seeing the captain jack/ianto reference i am)
goodcompany says:
j-carlson says:
goodcompany says:
ive only watched it once
hurry up

I went over to Mr Good-Company's place, I assume I arrived in under 4 minutes. When I arrived one of the first things I said to him was 'You're an ass', too which he replied 'You sounded horny'. Without the usual preliminaries of making out on the couch he began kissing me as we were standing there. We moved onto the bedroom and we both removed our clothes.

He started kissing me, tickling me (I am extremely ticklish) and giving me oral. After making me come this way, Mr Good-Company proceeded to tease the hell out of me. He asked me to tell him what I wanted, to which I had no idea. He told me that I couldn't have his cock until I told him what I wanted. He straddled my chest and began to fondle my breasts, rubbing his cock between them.

He continued to kiss and tease me, tickling my clit. I kept laughing, it was so much more fun and relaxed than the first or even the second time I'd had sex. Once again Mr Good-Company asked me what I wanted. I wanted everything. He said that he didn't think he could provide all of that in one night, too which I replied 'I'm not sure that even Superman could' and I started laughing again.

'I know how to make stop you laughing' was Mr Good-Company's reply to this, and he placed his cock in my mouth. I sucked him for a little while, before he sat up, still on top of my chest with his cock in reach of my mouth. As I licked the tip he began to finger me, slowly moving to my anus. 

My nerves came back at this point. I wanted to try anal, but I was scared. At some point I stopped licking Mr Good-Company. As he fingered me he moved my mouth back to his cock. As my tongue touched him, a drop of fluid fell onto my lip and I licked it clean.

Mr Good-Company kissed me again and asked where I wanted his cock. Anal, though what he was doing with his finger wasn't hurting the idea of more than that was still scaring me a little bit. I replied 'my pussy'. After putting a condom on, Mr Good-Company positioned himself between my legs and slid himself inside of me. I gasped, the warmth of his cock still coming as a shock after the coldness of the toys I was used too.

Mr Good-Company began to move himself in and out of me, causing me to start moaning. After doing this for a while he lifted my legs up over his shoulders and continued to fuck me. This felt even better. It felt as if he were going in even deeper. He began to fuck me harder and harder. I started to feel myself coming, feeling Mr Good-Company sliding himself in and out of me. A few moments after I came, Mr Good-Company did.

I have now had sex a grand total of three times. There are two months until Mr Good-Company leaves and our fun comes to an end. The last six months have passed more quickly than I can believe. It has been by far the most eventful year I have ever had. I want to have as much sex as possible over the next two months, perhaps even sex at that favourite place of mine. Who knows when I'll next find someone I'm willing to sleep with after Mr Good-Company leaves, I want to make the most of the time that is left. More sex please.

Saturday, 25 June 2011

Whoops-a-daisy! The loss of my virginity.

I have been playing with myself for such a long time that can't remember precisely when my hymen was broken. I remember no pain and no blood, but despite all that, I now consider Thursday the 23 of June, 2011 as the day I lost my virginity.

I lost my virginity to Mr Good-Company of course. Those of you who have read this blog from its beginnings will know that this is something I never intended to happen, fearing that sex would only heighten the attachment I have for my friend. But in the typical, blundering style of Jess Carlson, I managed to have sex by accident.

I had again been doing some online shopping so I had gone over to Mr Good-Company's with a selection of toys. We began as usual, fooling around on the couch for a bit before heading to the bedroom. By the time I took my toys from my bag and made it to the bedroom, Mr Good-Company had already removed his clothes and was lying on the bed waiting for me. He very quickly helped me out of my clothes before starting once again to kiss me and rub my clit.

After making use of a little bit of lube, Mr Good-Company proceeded to fuck me with one of my new toys, a pink, glittery, vibrating dildo. Whilst he was doing this he began to bite me and I began to stroke his cock. We continued to do this, him biting me, kissing me and sucking on my clit, myself stroking him, until I eventually came.

After a little bit of rearranging, Mr Good-Company positioned himself on top of me and began to rub his cock over my clit, at the same time using his body to hold the dildo inside of me. At some point the dildo slipped out though due to the fact that our activities were having the desired effect without it, we continued rubbing against each other.

Then something 'slipped', I think it took both of us a few seconds to realise what had happened, but we both paused and Mr Good-Company said 'Wait a moment, am I inside you?' with which I replied 'I think so' and then proceeded to crack up laughing.

After 6 months of fooling around we were finally having sex. By accident. I figured that there wasn't really much point in not continuing since I was obviously no longer a virgin, so Mr Good-Company put a condom on and continued to fuck me.

After a few moments Mr Good-Company inserted a smaller vibe as well, which, needless to say, felt rather nice. It felt even nicer when I asked him to place it on my clit, at the same time as feeling the vibe I was also feeling Mr Good-Company inside of me. Though obviously it was a similar sensation as using one of my toys (without the vibrating obviously) it felt much nicer simply because of knowing that it was my friend inside me and not just some toy.

I didn't come my first time, but it was an enjoyable experience anyway. I being me, was of coursed eager for round two, but unfortunately Mr Good-Company due to having a job that involves more than blowing up balloons was way to tired. Needless to say, I am very much looking forward to the next time we meet up.

By the time I arrived back home that evening I think that some form of mental shock had set in. Having sex with Mr Good-Company was something I had never planned to do. I prefer to be in charge of all major decisions regarding my body but due to accidental 'slippage' the rather large choice of who I lost my virginity too had been taken from me.

Mr Good-Company assures me that it was indeed an accident and I have no reason to disbelieve him. If he ever intended to force or trick me into having sex with him he certainly had many opportunities before now. Apparently the first thought that went through his mind when he realised he was inside me was 'whoops'. I must admit my first thought wasn't even remotely similar, being more along the lines of 'well there's not much point in stopping now'.

About 24 hours later events really started to sink in though. I had accidentally lost my virginity and to add to the drama I had also found out that Mr Good-Company was moving away in two months. These two facts led to a fairly major 'have a sook' session. I even rang my mother, giving her a rough outline of what had happened over the last 6 months. Though rather disappointingly, instead of giving me the verbal hug that I was craving, she did tell me that to Mr Good-Company I was just another notch on his bedpost. Though to be fair, I think she did pretty well, especially considering the fact that she'd just found out her first born child was having sex with someone she'd met on the internet. She actually encouraged me to find a new friend, though hopefully my next 'friend' would return any feelings I had.

Now, roughly 48 hours after I lost my virginity, I am once again seeing it in a positive and sightly humorous way. I lost my virginity to a good friend, someone who I have obviously trusted for quite some time. It wasn't awkward or embarrassing, just a natural progression to what we were already doing. We weren't caught in the back-seat of a car and neither were we so un-prepared that we have to worry about STI's or unwanted pregnancy  As I mentioned before, I now even find it quite funny. I managed to have sex entirely by accident, laughing as we both realised what was happening. Though not the 'ideal' way to lose my virginity, I am certainly more than happy to accept it the way it happened. At least in the future I'll actually know what I'm talking about when I tell my kids to 'be prepared'. To use the old cliche, it's always better to be safe than sorry.

Saturday, 18 June 2011

Fluttery Little Fingers

I seem to have developed a love for online shopping. I think that it began with the purchase of my dildo and escalated when I bought that first short lived vibrator. On Thursday a couple of new toys arrived. I had bought a couple of glass vibrators, mainly because they were aesthetically blessed. To top off their good looks they also came in the loveliest little boxes. I am the first to admit that I am a whore for good packaging. These toys had certainly managed to do very well in that department, easily outdoing the packaging of my previous purchases.

I couldn't wait to test out my new toys, but there was one little hurdle I had to overcome first. I didn't have the correct sized batteries! Of course this happened during a time when I was without a car, so it meant I had to walk down to the supermarket for the second time that day. When I arrived back home, my Facebook was flashing at me, saying that Mr Good-Company had messaged me. I had sent him a picture earlier that day of one of my breasts, saying that I wanted him to bite me. It seemed that this had gone down well.

Later that night I went over to Mr Good-Company's, bringing with me my new toys, my camera, my dildo, lube and a rather belated birthday present for him. After watching a few episodes of Doctor Who our minds turned to less 'PG' activities and we moved into Mr Good-Company's bedroom

We began by figuring out my new toys, one of which has the rather humorous ability to flash light in time with the vibrations. After figuring out the toys and the camera it was time to remove the rest of our clothing, with Mr Good Company taking a photo of my bra clad chest as soon as my shirt was removed.

With myself sitting between his legs, leaning my back against his chest, Mr Good Company began to put my first toy, the pink g-spot stimulator, to work. After he had used that vibrator for a while, Mr Good-Company began with the second, before rearranging us so that we were once again in the 69 position with himself on top of me, his cock in my mouth, his mouth on my clit and a vibe in my pussy. After I came the dildo once again became involved and things fast began to lead toward my latest curiosity, fisting.

During the week and a half since the first attempt I had constantly felt that I might change my mind, that I might back away, that the pain was just too much. I think that this fear developed from how spaced out I was that first time. I don't like losing control like that, not being able to speak, not knowing that I was screaming, not knowing what exactly Mr Good-Company was doing. It had me rather freaked out.

But I still wanted to try it again. I don't believe in knuckling under because of a first less-than-ideal experience. Starting off with the dildo as he had the first time, Mr Good-Company then made the switch to fingers and then hand.

This time I was much more conscious of what was happening. I could feel when Mr Good-Company began to use just his hand. I could feel him rotating his hand at the wrist, sliding his hand further and further inside of me. I could also feel the most pleasant new sensation, one that gave me hope that eventually these attempts could lead to more pleasure than pain.

I could feel the strangest little fluttery movements deep inside me. I made the vague assumption that this was Mr Good-Company moving his fingers, but I wasn't sure until I later asked him if this was the case. I assume it was such an odd feeling only because I'm not used to feeling things move that deep inside of me. When being fingered obviously the movement is much closer to the entrance and also a different kind of movement. This little fluttery movement felt so pleasant, I imagine if it had continued for a bit longer and if I hadn't been in so much pain then I would have come quite hard from it.

While all of this was happening I had my hands holding tightly onto the arm that was working it's way inside of me, doing my thing of squeezing hard when I needed a moments rest. I really wanted to do it this time, we were so close, but in the end the pain was just too much. I found my voice and said that was enough for now.

When Mr Good-Company returned from washing the lube of his hand he said that there was a little bit of blood. He followed this by saying 'I think I broke you' with which he opened my legs and peered between my thighs. I cracked up laughing and replied with 'Well maybe I finally lost my virginity' to which his response was laughter and the comment that I had lost my virginity to a purple dildo.

After continuing with a bit more fun, Mr Good-Company using one of my vibes on his balls while I went down on him, we put our clothes back on and looked through the photos that had been taken over the course of the evening. I found it useful having photographic evidence of how far we had gone with the fisting. Unless my hand is right down there on his I can't tell how much I have taken, knowing only from the pain that it must be quite some amount. I was quite pleased with how several of the photo's turned out and I once again put them up on the fetish chat site.

When I returned home I came to the conclusion that Mr Good-Company and I had differing opinions on what is considered to be 'a little' blood. Though there was more than I had expected from his description, it certainly wasn't enough to cause me any concern. It continued bleed for about for about 45 minutes and it gradually came to a complete stop over the next 24 hours. After doing a bit of online research I came to the conclusion that the bleeding had probably resulted from a small, internal scratch that must have been caused during the fisting. As it remains a reasonable explanation, I have absolutely no concerns regarding it.

This time I have not attempted to masturbate at all so soon afterwards. The fact that I feel more bruised this time combined with the bleeding tends to suggest that it may be a good idea to give my body some healing time. The only annoying thing about this healing time is that I would really quite like to take my new toys for a drive myself, but I suppose in the long run, being fully healed will make it a much more pleasurable experience.

I'm very much looking forward to the next fisting attempt. Despite the bleeding and despite the fact that I still screamed a bit at the end, feeling those little fluttery finger movements has made me see just a little bit of the potential fun to be had from this. I'm a determined lass, I want to see just what can be achieved. As they say, third time's a charm.

My two new toys came with the added bonus of pretty packaging.

Thursday, 16 June 2011

Kinky Origins

I have had absolutely no trouble coming to terms with my interest in kink and I must admit that I'm a little bit puzzled by this. Why have I not been concerned about my interest in bondage and masochism? Why do I have these interests to begin with. Today I had a session with The Couch and these questions were certainly something that popped up over the course of the hour.

In our last session the couch I had told the couch about my interest in bondage. I have had this interest since my early teenage years. For some reason the idea of being tied and bound with rope just appealed to me. I always hoped that I would one day have the chance to try it. 

Now after our last session The Couch started to wonder what may have influenced this interest. She acknowledges that a large part of how sexual interests is really unknown, but that something may grown from some past event. Today she told me that perhaps the reason I enjoyed this bondage was because throughout my life I had been conditioned to associate things that are bound or locked away, with pleasure.

The specific event she is mentioning occurred during most of my teenage years and is one again associated with food, a substance that many of enjoy and take pleasure in. As I was growing up I showed a tendency to gain weight and since I really love food this was no surprise. My parents solution to this was to put a padlock on the door to the pantry. I was literally locked away from food, from this substance I took joy in.

I of course found ways around this. There was a latch that kept the pantry door shut and it had the loop that the padlock would be threaded through. When no one else was around I would unscrew this latch, removing it and the still locked padlock. I would take what I thought I could, trying to make it look as though nothing was missing. I was always caught eventually, but it did take some time for my mother to figure out how I was doing it. She then super-glued the latch to the door so that it couldn't be removed. My solution was to find the key, which I did. At various other times food was locked in a suitcase with a combination lock. The answer to this was to once again to wait until the house was empty and then to sit next to the suitcase and try every possible combination from 0000-9999. Thankfully I found the combination before I reached 0600.

I suppose to some extent this may explain why I find pleasure in bondage. The learned behaviour that what is bound is pleasurable. I'm not going to try and kid myself that this is the reason I enjoy being tied up. It may be the reason, it may be part of the reason or it may not have anything to do with it at all. But it is one idea.

The other thing we touched on today was masochism. We went into much less detail with this, but the one conclusion that we came to is that everybody has the potential to enjoy pain. Everybody's bodies produce endorphins to combat pain, it's just that maybe some people are more able to embrace it.

We a made a bit of loose connection between my masochistic tendencies and my self harm. Yes, these things are both extremely different scenario's, the one thing they have in common being the release of endorphins, causing me to enjoy the experience.

As I mentioned earlier I have found both of these kinks very easy to accept. The Couch suggests that the reason for this is because I had no real sexual education so to speak. Sex education and what was 'normal' in both relationships and the bedroom is something my parents never really touched on. So everything I've come to know about sex has been learnt from books and the internet. As with 'normal' reading I tended to return to the genres that appealed to me, if that material just happened to be kinky, than who was I to judge myself? I had always been taught to read what I enjoyed. Since this was what I enjoyed, then what was the problem? In my mind there was none.

I continue to have no problem accepting these thing today, both in myself and others. I somehow learnt to accept people and myself for their differences. If my learning to accept myself and my interests means that I'm a little kooky, then I can live with that.  If I were to constantly worry about people judging me for those things, then it's possible that I could never be happy. I can live with me, it's up to everyone else if they can too.

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Who am I?

My name is Jessica Louise Carlson (not my real name obviously, but for the purposes of this let's just pretend that it is). I am 5ft 11inches tall, I have long-ish blonde hair and blue eyes. I weigh approximately 116kgs and have size 12 feet.

Why am I telling you this? A reader sent me a note saying that though all the sexual stuff I write about is entertaining and gives people an idea of who I am in that aspect of things, nothing I had wrote had given a view of myself in my entirety. So while the above description certainly tells people what I look like, it stills leaves me pondering that age old question of 'Who am I?'

The first thing that comes to mind when I think of myself is the word 'insecure'. I know that this certainly seems like a bad thing, but in reality everybody has something that they're insecure about. I have two main insecurities; my looks and my sanity. Since loosing over 40kgs, I am still adapting to what I look like now. I still find it hard to believe that people who might be looking at me in the street and commenting on my size, now may in fact be looking for a more positive reason.

My sanity is something else all together. I have a temper and am terrified of losing it. I know that I over react about things, but then I wonder was there actually anything there to react too? Did I create all the drama in my own head? There are events from my teen years that I just don't recall happening, yet there are multiple witnesses. Then I wonder 'But perhaps they're just saying that to mess with me?' This leads to a rather large dose of paranoia that perhaps people are messing with me, making me very distrustful of people in general.

On a more positive note, who am I? I am the girl who like roses and sunflowers. I grow each of these in my small little garden. I like the old-fashioned roses, the ones who's petals are just falling open, releasing their deliciously heady scent. As far as I'm concerned those small, perfect store bought roses are just copies. To perfect looking to be truly real. I'm proud of my sunflowers, they grow to over 7ft tall. I love it when my land-ladies children are wandering around the place, standing back in awe when first seeing these magnificent flowers. Both roses and sunflowers are happy flowers. When I see a sunflower, or walk into a room and catch a whiff of that musky rose smell, I just can't help but smile.

I am a nerd. I love to read absolutely anything. From thrillers and crime, to fantasy and adventure. The only genre I'm not really a fan of is romance. I don't read as much now as I used to, the side-effects of my anxiety disorder making it quite hard for me at times. There was a day when I could easily devours a 300 page novel in the space of a couple of hours. I'm working my way back up to that. Baby steps people. I also consider myself to be a 'Whovian'. I love Doctor Who and it's spin-off series Torchwood. I am the person who has the box-sets on pre-order so that I can eagerly watch them over and over again.

I love puzzles. Not suduko though, I have never been able to make it to the end of things. I tend to tear them up into tiny little pieces before I'm even half way through. I enjoy jigsaw puzzles and board games. The only jigsaw that has beaten me to date is one that I recieved for my 16th birthday. It is a 'Simpsons' photo-mosaic. That means that the entire puzzle picture is made up of tiny little pictures. I'll complete it one day. But until then it's shut in the cupboard of 'things that drive me crazy'.

I work in a party supply shop. I only started this job a couple of months ago but I absolutely love it. I work with the nicest bunch of people you will ever meet. I'll use today as an example. My car is in need of a few repairs so I am currently relying on the local bus service, but the last bus leaves for town 20 minutes before I finish work. Since I'm unable to leave early to catch the bus, my lovely boss, who finishes work several hours before I do, has offered to give me a lift back into town.

It's also an absolutely hilarious place to work. The place is basically a balloon shop that also sells catering supplies and party supplies such as pinatas and dress ups. The other day I was introduced to a new game played by some of the staff, 'brain ball'. This game involves a giant balloon (about 1m round) that has begun to deflate with age, several staff members and the counter. One staff member stands on either side of the counter and the aim is to head-but it to the other side of the counter, hitting the ball with your head no more than twice and if the balloon touched the floor or roof then it's a point to the other person. This game is fantastic fun, for both spectators and the lucky participants.

So who am I? To be honest even I don't really know that. I can't really tell you more than I already have. Who I am is constantly fluctuating and evolving, changing to suit what I need to be for whatever particular stage of life that I'm in. So who am I you ask? I am an insecure, flower-loving, brain-ball playing nerd. I can certainly live with that.

Monday, 13 June 2011

Warning: Potential Mind Dump

I'm feeling a little bit down ion the dumps today, so I think I'll just warn you all that this is probably be going to be a little bit of a 'mind-dump' post.

Why am I down in the dumps you ask? The answer is quite simple. Life. It just feels as if nothing is going my way of late. My car is misbehaving in what is sure to be an expensive way. My weight loss efforts seem to have hit a bit of a speed hump lately, though the amount of McDonalds that I've eaten lately really wouldn't have helped things. McDonalds probably isn't helping my state of mind either, all those processed bits and pieces are probably playing with my 'happy chemicals'.

I'm also not receiving as much attention from Mr Good-Company as I was in the beginning. We used to meet up about once a week and of late it's more likely to be about once a month. While of course I am aware that Mr Good-Company does have his own life, I will admit that I do miss the frequency of our 'play dates'.

I'm also finding that I'm missing Anita a little bit more than I expected. When we first left school we lived together for nearly 12 months before she left for Uni. She recently came to stay with me again, taking up residence in my spare bedroom for a grand total of six weeks whilst she was on placement at the local hospital. I will admit that when we first lived together, within six months we were each planning the others funeral, so frustrated we were with each others living habits. I never thought I would want to share a place with her again. How wrong was I!

Anita was actually pretty good company. I know she's my best friend, but it's a bit different living with someone than it is just going shopping and out for coffee together. We talk about mundane stuff and have the same conversations we've had a million times before. It's just comfortable.

Last night I was just sitting on the couch doing what I usually do and talking to random people online, when I received a text message asking 'How do manage to live alone? I've been here by myself since Friday (2 days) and I think I'm going crazy.' This just cracked me up, as when she was staying with me she took great delight in the fact that I'd become slightly more 'kooky' since living alone. My reply was 'I just talk to the frozen veg. As long as they don't start talking back, then you're still sane'.

We continued on that track for some time before the conversation trailed off. Then just as was going to bed, I received a new message that really confirmed that Anita and I may have already spent too much time together. It said 'Is it bedtime yet?' which of course it was. Maybe it's a good thing we don't live together. We'd probably end up speaking the same thing at the same time. We can already look at the other and know what sarcastic or silly comment the other is going to make.

We went too the zoo not to long ago, as we entered the elephant section we walked past these two elephant statues, each about a metre high. Anita just looked at me. I cracked up laughing and just said 'No'. Anita also started to laugh. Just to confirm that I'd been on the right track I asked 'You were going to suggest pretending to ride one of those things weren't you?' I was right of course. I usually am when it comes to Anita.

The worst thing about our friendship is that she lives so far away, with that distance sure to increase when she begins her intern ship next year. At the moment it's a distance of four hours between us and one hour if she' staying at her parents. But due to the fact that hospitals interstate pay more than our charming ones, she will be looking at trying to work at one of those instead, taking her even further away from me. But despite that, I do of course wish her well.

Well I'm still feeling a bit sad, I just sort of wish that thing would go my way a little bit more often then they do. But I suppose this is just another one of those 'well that's life' moments which everyone receives a dose of sometimes. I'm just hoping that my dose is nearly up.

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

A Burning Ring of Fire

The first time I saw the process of fisting was in a video link sent to me by Mr Good-Company. This video involved one woman being fisted by both hands of another woman. I remember wincing as I watched, it just seemed somewhat barbaric and violent. It reminded me of witnessing the artificial insemination of cows as a child. Fisting is something that I knew I would never even consider trying. Until my curiosity got the better of me that is.

The idea of wanting to try this just slowly began to grow on me, I'm not sure how or why. I already knew that I was capable of taking quite a few fingers at once, so perhaps I would be able to accommodate a fist. Just by chance I ended up doing some reading on the subject and the idea began to appeal to me even more, though of course it came with some concerns as well. Pain was an obvious factor, with some women having described trying to take the last part of the hand as like a 'ring of fire'. Another concern of mine was stretching, though everything I read indicated that as long as fisting wasn't an overly regular practice, the muscles would be able to contract back too their original state.

I was having a Facebook chat with Mr Good-Company at the time I was doing this reading and I mentioned it was something I might like to try. He admitted it was something he had never attempted before but that he would certainly like to give it a try. I sent him a link to the page I had been reading and after a few minutes he asked when I would like to try this. Since the idea, though exciting, was still making me quite nervous I said that we should just see how things pan out next time we meet up. He then suggested I come and pay him a visit right then. So I did.

I hadn't met up with Mr Good-Company for quite a while at this point, so lets just say I was very easily excited. After kissing on the couch for a little while, Mr Good-Company's hand found it's way into my jeans. He started to play with my clit, causing my breath to come in small gasps as I found myself in a rather pleasurable state. He then pulled my jeans and knickers of and began to finger me as well. Just as it was all becoming a little bit much, he stood up and we moved into the bedroom, both of us removing any remaining clothes as soon as we were there before falling onto the bed.

Now as I mentioned earlier I was quite nervous about fisting. I knew that's what I was there for but I didn't know when and how Mr Good-Company was going to introduce it into our play. Things went as normal for a while, kissing, touching, fingering and then the dildo with large amounts of lube. I then noticed that the dildo was hurting a little bit more than usual, but thought nothing of it, figuring that Mr Good-Company was just being a little bit rougher than normal.

Mr Good-Company was now sitting between my legs at this point. I began to notice that the dildo was becoming increasingly painful, so painful that I thought I was going to scream. I reached down between my legs and it was then that I realised that the dildo had left events some time ago and that it was Mr Good-Company trying to slide his hand inside of me that was causing my pain.

When I found that I couldn't speak I sort of realised that I was actually screaming, though I couldn't hear it myself. This scared me for a moment. It felt like a very large loss of control for me and I quickly had to find a way to let Mr Good-Company know when I needed a break. I did the most obvious thing, leaving my left hand on the hand of his that was slowly working it's way inside of me and placing my right hand on his other arm, I did all that I could really do and just squeezed like all hell when I needed a moments rest. He seemed to get the message.

I don't know how long we continued with this for. Him slowly working his hand inside of me and my digging my nails into him. When I would relax my grip he would continue, slowly moving his hand further and further. After a while he stopped completely saying that I'd probably had enough for now. I think he was right too. 

We went back to our more normal activities and we both came at the same time as he worked my dildo inside of me and I stroked his penis.

When Mr Good-Company came back from cleaning himself off we began round two. He asked me if I wanted to try again. I did of course, but I still needed a little bit of recovery time so I replied with 'not quite yet'. After he had played with me some more Mr Good-Company tried fisting me again, repeating the same process as earlier. We continued with this until, as before, I just couldn't take it any more.

Mr Good-Company then began to rub his cock on top of my clit. After the painful events of earlier this action felt like such a contrast. The soft skin of his cock compared to the hardness of his hand mea I quickly found myself coming. I then went down on Mr Good-Company, rubbing his balls and sucking his cock until he came in my mouth. I like to think I've become better at this over time. I remember when I first began going down on him that I had a lot of trouble taking all of him into my mouth without my gag reflex kicking in, now it's much easier and the gag reflex is of very little concern. I still can't quite believe how much I enjoy sucking him off.

The whole fisting experience was very intense for me. I wasn't able to take his entire fist in the end but I was able to take his hand in until just past the knuckles, the thick part at the base of the thumb seeming to cause the problem. I can honestly say that I cannot recall ever having been in so much pain in my life. I didn't come from it as such, the pain factor by far out weighing the pleasure. That's not to say that I didn't enjoy the experience. I really did. But I certainly found it to be extremely intense.

It wasn't until the next day that I found how much of an intense experience it actually was. I was extremely sore which was to be expected, yet my brain also seemed to behaving trouble digesting the events that had occurred the previous evening. I think a large part of the problem was that at that stage there were a few things I was quite unsure of and I had to ask Mr Good-Company to fill in a few of the gaps for me. 

It turns out that the reason I thought I was screaming was because I was actually screaming and quite loudly too apparently. I honestly can't recall hearing any noise at the time, but obviously the reason I was unable to speak was because of those screams. I was also unable to recall how much of Mr Good-Company's hand I had been able to take or when he had stopped using the dildo and switched to fingers and then hand. Apparently what he had done was at first insert several fingers with the dildo and then make the switch, removing the dildo and continuing with his hand.

I will admit that I still feel a little bit baffled by events. I pride myself on having an excellent memory and the fact that I sort of spaced out during the fisting attempt does make me realise how intense the situation must have been for me.

The pain also stayed with me a lot longer than expected. Previously when I have felt a bit bruised in that region everything has returned to normal fairly quickly and I've even resumed playing with myself and my dildo nearly straight away. I did not attempt that this time, but today, two days after the event I had a go. I tried first with the dildo (and lube) but found myself to be in quite a lot of pain, my insides were apparently quite bruised. I switched to using my vibrator (though switched off) because it's a great deal narrower than the dildo. I had more success with this and was eventually able to try the dildo again. It still hurt a great deal but certainly not as much as it had when I'd first tried to use it.

Despite the pain and my muddled up head, fisting is definitely something I am keen to try again. Many personal accounts I've read say that once you move past that 'ring of fire' and take the whole hand it is an extremely pleasurable experience. I want to find out just how good that experience is. Though, that said, it's entirely possible that fisting may just be something I am unable to do. If that's the case, then so be it. At least I'll know if I'm capable of it, satisfying a large amount of my curiosity in regards to the subject.