Monday, 25 April 2011

Putting it all out there

I'm probably a little overdue in putting this post up but over a month ago now, Mr Good-Company suggested that I join the fetish version of myspace/facebook. This site turned out to be exactly pretty what it says it is, which really is myspace/facebook for kinky people. If you can name the kink you can probably find somebody on the site who shares it and even pictures. I spent 4 hours one night just reading the glossary. I never knew that there were so many types of whips!

The main difference between this site and myspace/facebook is that it's a little bit harder to find friends. Obviously you are probably not going to be looking for people you know in real life but more people with you interests and the only way to do this is to read through many a profile.

I started looking for friends by stalking (wrong word, I know) the introductions forum for a little while, looking for other newbies like me who might be interested in chat. This site is worldwide so people are there from everywhere so who know where the person you end up talking to could be from.

I had some luck with my strategy and found some really nice girls to talk to. The funny thing I find is that often the conversations on the fetish site are much cleaner than those I find on the normal chat site. I assume that this is because on the fetish site everyone is already putting everything about them completely out there eg. sexual preferences, fetishes, interests and naughty pics, unlike the normal chat site where a lot of people seem to have their own sneaky agenda.

I'm also receiving quite a few friendship requests myself. I assume the reason people are able to find me is due to my participation in 'group' games such as Fuck or Pass and Word association. A lot of the attention also seems to be on the pics I've put up. I started off with just the booby shot I showed in a previous post, then I upgraded to one of me in a mask (I do want to be anonymous after all) and then Mr Good-Company suggested I bring my camera next time I went to visit him.

I was a little bit nervous about bringing the camera but I figured that since it was my camera I could delete everything if I really wanted to. Mr Good-Company tied me to the bed, one limb to each corner. He began to play with me, every now and then pausing to take a photograph. Partway through he covered my eyes. It was such a turn on having no idea what he was going to do next!

I was kind of surprised at how much I enjoyed being photographed. I expected them to all to turn out absolutely repulsive but some of them, especially the one where Mr Good-Company's cock makes an appearance, really do turn me on.

At first I wasn't sure whether or not I should really take the risk of putting these photographs online. Everything you read today specifically warns against this sort of thing. But I figured 'What the hell'. I mean I really cant be at all identified in the photos and as for the one where ID is vaguely possible I just put a blurred patch over my head. Problem solved.

So far I am definitely having fun with this new site. It certainly provides a bit of light entertainment when compared to the drudgery that is sifting through some of the profiles on the other chat site.

Sunday, 17 April 2011

Translation Required

Well it does appear that I became slightly intoxicated last night. I think my fast desent into drunkeness can probably be blamed not just on alcohol but instead on the mix of alcohole AND my anxiety medication. Since I find my drunken spelling kind of funny I have decided to leave the original post up but also include a translation, just to make it a little bit easier to read...

'I Can't Think of a Witty Title'
I want to have SEX! It's not fucking fair! What did i do to deserve too be 21 year old virgin? Why does no-one care about me enough to want me? I always thought I'd give it up too the first guy who wanted it. Why am I being so fucking prissy about it? Mr Good-Company gets to have sex. Why can't I just go out there and meet people?

I wonder what fucked my head up and made me the way I am? Do I  have some higher level then normal of autistic tendencies? Is that the reason I'm not a really social person even  though I want to be? No-one is interested in me, even Mr Good-Company hardly wants to see me now. REJECTED! Bah humbug, I'm a scrooge keeping it all to myself.

I shall survive! I Shall survive! I am the Jesintator!

'Hands in the air for supergirl. She buys sex toys
Hands in the air for supergirl. She's a bit of alright' 

-Supergirl, Kate Miller-Heidke


Why don't I let him fuck me? Maybe it woud be easier to just get it over with? I always thought I would hire a prostitute if I'm still a virgin at 30 and is certainly looking like I will be and this would sure be cheaper. My foot keeps getting nailed by pointy metal insided my couch. It hurts. Wow, bad spelling!

'If I put my hands around your wrists, would you fight them?
If I put my fingers in your mouth, would you bite them?
So many things that I would do if I had my way with you'
-Hate fuck, The Bravery

I want to be held down and fucked hard. I want to scream so loudly! I am better than second best! The Couch wants me to end it. She doesn't say, but she has her ways of getting her opinion across. She's probably right but I don't want to! I'm enjoying the good bits to much. This doesn't happen to me every day.

'No excuses I've got anyway, heh
I'll satisfy your every need
And I'll know you'll satisfy me, oh my-my-my my-my'

-Let's Spend the Night Together, David Bowie

I want to get fucked! Why can't I cant give it up. All my logical senses tell me i would regret it, but how do they know. Logic is a bitch.

Well that took a while to correct. There you go, a snapshot of me whilst drunk. I think there are a couple of things in there that I need to explain a little bit further but I'm going to write a separate post for those. Hope this was at least mildly entertaining...

I cnat think of a wittty titel

I want tto have SEXXX!!!!!! its not fukinn fair! What di i do to deserv 2 b 21 year old vigin?? Why do es know one car about me enuf to want me?? I alwasys thiourt i d give it up 2 the first gi whio wanted it. Y am ibein so fucin prissy bout it? mr GCC gets to have sexd. y cant i jus go out there and meet peple?

i wondr wat fucked mt hed up an mad me rhe way ii am? do I  JAVE SOME HIGER LEVLE THEN NORMAL oif aiutistic tendasies? is rthat the reason i mniot a reaaly socil perrson evn  tho i want 2 b? no 1 itrested in moi evben mr gc hrdly wans se me now.REEVCTED!!! Bah humbu im  a scrooge kepin it all tomysel

i shal syuvive! i Shall survive! I amm the jesintator!!! 'Hands in the air for supergirl. She buys sex toys
Hands in the air for supergirl. She's a bit of alright' SUPAGIRLK!!!

Y dont i let him fuc me? maybe it woud be easiert o just get it iover withj? i alweusa thort i would higher aan pros if i asitll a virgian at 30 and is certin lookin m like i will be an this would sur b ceeper. myb foot keeps getin naillsed by pointyb metal insided my couch. its hurts. wowowww bad spoeklking!

If I put my hands around your wrists, would you fight them?
If I put my fingers in your mouth, would you bite them?
So many things that I would do if I had my way with you 

I wnna be heldd down and fuucked hard. i wnat to s ccrream so loudly! I am betttyer than second bestrr! cousch wantass me to end it she dkont sauy but she has hertr wayuss of gettin her opinion across. she prnbly riught but in dont want to! im enjoyint the good sbit toom much. This doesn't happen to me every day
No excuses I've got anyway, heh
I'll satisfy your every need
And I'll know you'll satisfy me, oh my-my-my my-my
 IIIIIIIIII wannnnnaaaa gett fuccckkked!!!!!whyub can ti cant it uop. all my logicakl sences  tell me i woulkd regret it  but how dop they kno. loginc ios a bitch.

Friday, 15 April 2011

I Don't Want to Think About It...

About a week ago now I had an appointment with The Couch (my psychologist). Of late, since my anxiety issues are mainly under control thanks to meds (though I do seem to have regressed into a hornier version of my 12 year old self) we have mainly been speaking about the changes in my life, specifically the effect of my 40kg weight loss and my arrangement with Mr Good-Company.

The main effect of my weight loss has been a large gain in my self-confidence, especially when around people I already know as my anxiety does kick in a bit when I'm around new people. Then she links some of that back to the physical attention I have recieved from Mr Good-Company which makes me feel, at times, for the first time ever, kinda sexy and that perhaps I'm not that bad looking after all.

The main thing that we talk about in regards to Mr Good-Company is the arrangement itself. Unfortunately for me she does point out the things that I don't really want to think about.

She asks me about the friendship side of the arrangement, which is one of the things that I'm still unsure of at times. The Couch wonders why it is that if we are 'friends' why I am never invited to go out with Mr Good-Company and his other friends. She asks why it is that the only time we ever meet in person it is never to just hang out but specifically for the physical side of things. I must admit, I try not to think about those questions.

Her next question took me completely by surprise, it came from talking about the fact that Mr Good-Company has feeling for someone else, but not for me. 'Do you think that you're worthy of having someone care about and even love you?'.

I answered 'yes' and at the time I was sure of my answer. But unfortunately, from time to time, snippets of doubt do worm their way into my thoughts.

Realastically I know there is nothing wrong with myself as a person. I'm friendly (I try to be anyway), I would do anything to help a friend even at inconvenience to myself. I try to help charities when I can, I'm a blood donor and I hate it when I hurt another, be it for reason of necessity or accident.

But then the doubt creeps in. Someone once told me that I can come across as an absolute bitch when people first meet me because I can be so shy that I seem up-myself, is this still the case?. Do the odd things I do or say freak people out at times? Perhaps there is nothing sexy about me? Perhaps people still just look at me and see a 6ft tall, obese giant? Do I accidentally offend people? I really don't mean to.

The other topic we've talked about is me moving away from this town. We long ago came to the realisation that my options for meeting people are very limited here since I'm not into the whole pub/club thing. That said, perhaps I would be if I had friends I could go out with? This town does have very limited social options fro people my age who aren't really into the whole drinking thing

But how different would thing be in Melbourne? I would still have no friends, therefore no-one to go out with I would also completely out of my comfort zone (though that could perhaps be a good thing in the long run). Moving would also take away the safety net of doctors that I've built up here, as well as move me further away from my family whom I am slowly becoming closer to as I become older and the come to terms with the fact that I am no longer a child, but an adult. How would I manage that?

All in all, these are the things I don't want to think about. They scare me, they upset me and make me wish for things that aren't possible. Despite my forced optimism, I'm not one for believing in fairy-tale endings.

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

V is for Vibrator

I once again found myself visiting a particular brand of online store, I had of course wussed out on visiting the 'real' and more local sex shop.

I had absolutely no idea what to buy! I was obviously aware that there would be a lot of products to choose from, but Christ! Did I want a little bullet, the basic vibrator or did I want something that looked rather like some sort of medieval torture device? I asked Mr Good-Company for his opinion and he suggested that I keep it simple to begin with and then upgrade. Simple is good for another reason too, it's cheap!

I expected to find myself waiting several weeks for the arrival of my new toy which is what happened when I last brought something from this website. But surprise, surprise! Only a couple of days later there was a parcel in my mail box which could only be one thing...

I was as eager as a kid at Christmas to rush inside and open my self-given gift. So that's exactly what I did!

I will admit to a fair amount of giggling when I first turned on my pink vibe, unfortunately it was several days before I could take my new toy on a test run (wrong time of the month). When I was able to play once more my giggling resumed but I quickly pulled myself together and went off to the bedroom to take it for a test drive.

I began with the vibrator on its lowest setting and began to rub it against my clit. It was the oddest sensation to begin with, it just didn’t feel natural (well obviously) in the same way my fingers did. But despite this my body quickly began to respond. I slowly turned the vibe to its highest setting for some more intense clitoral stimulation.

I began to experience the little tremors and jerky movements that are the indicators of something pretty damn good to come. By this stage I was desperately wanting something inside of me and my fingers just weren’t going to do it so out came my first toy, the purple dildo.

I was so close to coming already that I didn’t need to do much, I just slowly moved my purple friend in and out of me, putting pressure on just the right spot whilst continuing to rub my clit with the vibe.

Ohhhhhhh….Sometimes I am so great full for the fact that I live alone. It was the most intense orgasm I’d had in sometime. When my brain regained consciousness, my thoughts instantly turned to the episode of Sex in the City when Charlotte purchases herself a Rabbit vibe and nearly becomes a recluse…it was that good.
Later that night Mr Good-Company came over for a visit. After the enjoyable preliminaries of stripping off and the rubbing of clit and cock together, my new toy came out of the cupboard.

At that point I had not tried using the vibe internally, but after spending several moments on my clit that’s exactly where it went.

It felt really narrow when compared to my dildo (which it is) and again the vibrations felt very odd. But it once again soon became an intensely pleasurable experience.

This is actually amusing to me, but I cannot clearly remember all stages of that evening. But here are the bits that I have a very clear memory of:
·        The vibe buzzing away inside of me whilst I went down on MR Good-Company.
·        Mr Good-Company saying ‘This is what else you can do with a vibe’ using it on his balls whilst I was kind of rubbing my pussy against his leg.
·        The vibe then going back inside of me whilst I continued rubbing against Mr Good-Companies leg.

The best bit I can recall of the evening was then going into the 69 position still with the vibe inside me. However I was fairly quickly distracted from my cock-sucking activities by the sensations being brought about by both the vibe and Mr Good-Company's mouth. I fairly quickly found myself coming.

As far as I can recall this was the first time that I had come while receiving oral and so far it does seem to be sticking in my memory. Writing this is turning me on even further than I already was when I began!

I continued to play with my toy as regularly as I could for about a week after that evening, with many happy nights/mornings/afternoons spent buzzing away. Unfortunatly this story has a sad ending for my new friend. Despite my vibes claims of being waterproof it was unable to withstand the dampness that permeates my bedroom and its battery connection soon rusted and began to disintegrate, leaving my poor vibe utterly lifeless.

I am now perusing the online store in search of a new vibe. Mr Good-Company says that he will take my shy self to the local sex shop but in the meantime, I am off to continue my search for a new friend.