Sunday, 27 February 2011

Blabber Mouth!

Now when I was first thinking about starting this blog, I had every intention of keeping it secret, however, things didn't quite work out that way...

The first person I told was one of the people most important people to me, Anita, my best friend. I've been keeping her quite entertained with my activities over the past two months. A little while ago I quizzed her as to whether any of this, the online dating and the friends with benefits thing, was something she ever would have expected of me. To my surprise she answered 'yes' to the online dating and 'no' to the friends with benefits.

I had been hoping that I'd surprised her with both of these activities, but unfortunately not. However I suppose it is very hard to surprise someone who you've known for seven years and who pretty much knows you as well as you do yourself. I did, I am pleased to say (sort off) manage to surprise her the other night, apparently after a couple of drinks I do become very chatty. I was asking her about bondage and if she'd ever tried anything kinky, she managed to avoid answering both questions. Knowing my friend as well as I do, I tend to think the answer would have been 'no' anyway.

I also told her about my activities earlier that evening. I told her how I'd always wanted to be tied up and how much fun It had been to give it a go. I also mentioned the rough play and the bruises I was expecting to show up the next day. Her reply (this conversation was being conducted via Facebook chat) was 'Jess, Jess, Jess. No, no, no! TMI! TMI! TMI! (to much information)'. I did of course apologise for over-sharing, as both those facts definitely do fall under the category of  'TMI'. Being my best friend, of course she forgave me.

The next person I told about this blog and my rope based activities was my neighbour, Ally. I wouldn't really call us friends, I just don't really like her that much but we do have some pretty fun conversations every now and then. She's been feeling pretty down this past week since breaking up with her long term boyfriend and I really didn't know what to say as a break-up is something that I've never been through. I just wanted to make her laugh, when you're sad, a good laugh can just make you feel so much better. So I told her about this blog and my other more 'interesting' activities. She did laugh. That made me feel good. I don't really care if she tells her mates what I said, I'm not part of their social circle, so they can laugh at me too if they want to. That said my efforts at cheering up Ally were well and truly outdone by my other, older neighbour.

He'd had a very good night out and when he and his lady friend came back Ally and I were still sitting out outside on the steps talking. We heard him coming from a block away. On his way to his place he discovered that our recently resurfaced pavement makes a fantastic dance floor. He then proceeded to dance for us. This is a man in his mid 50's, about 5 foot 6 with a rather large beer belly swaying his hips and shaking his ass to the deep voice of Johnny Cash, occasionally singing along. It was bloody hilarious! His activities kept us entertained for around 90 minutes. But boy was he complaining of a massive hangover when I spoke to him this afternoon.

The other people who know about this blog are some of the guys themselves. Only one has been allowed to read it (he winged so much that I finally gave in) hopefully he will write something for this blog eventually. I'm quite sure that some of the others would not be very happy with what I've said about them, so they certainly won't being seeing what I've written. I believe I have also mentioned on Facebook that I started a new blog, but I sure as hell haven't mentioned it's subject matter.

I'm certainly not planning on informing any more people of this blog or the activities talked about within it. The more people who know, the less of a secret it becomes and the more danger there is of being caught. That said, I'm really enjoying the fact that this blog isn't something that the people who know me would expect of me. I'm having fun jumping out of the box that these people have put me in.

Saturday, 26 February 2011

Bruises and Blow-jobs

Let me tell you something, I’m glad people don’t listen to their mothers, especially in regards to 'no biting'. Last Friday I had a later than usual visit from Mr Good-Company. We had been playing a rather naughty version of ‘The Random Question Game’ via facebook, I can’t speak for him but it certainly had me turned on. Then the questions stopped and this message came up instead:


Mr Good-Company: I'm horny.
Jess: You’d better do something about that then.
Mr Good-Company: You tell me what I should do.
Jess: Play with yourself?
Mr Good-Company: Or?
Jess: I could play with you? That’s’s all I got, I’m not an ideas person lol.
Mr Good-Company: Interesting. Want a visitor?
Jess: You know where I live.
Mr Good-Company: See ya soon.

Soon enough Mr Good-Company showed up on my doorstep and we made our way to my bedroom with it’s charming single bed (I’ve never exactly needed anything bigger). Now for whatever reason things were slightly rougher than usual but I certainly wasn’t complaining. I was having a fantastic time. But bloody hell was I sore the next morning!

The other interesting point about this evening was the trying of something new. I’m not someone who is afraid to try new things and I was curious about anal penetration. When Mr Good-Company suggested putting his finger up my ass I was happy enough to give it a go. It was a really weird sensation, but it didn’t really do anything for me. I’m certainly not to keen on the idea of having anything larger than a finger up there, but who knows what I’ll want to try in the future?

Now at this point in our arrangment I had been going down on Mr Good-Company for a while already. Now, as with touching him, I was very nervous about doing this for the first time. The first time I did this Mr Good-Company had us in the 69 position. This time when he asked me to ‘kiss him’ with his cock so close to my face already I just couldn’t resist. But he never came in my mouth, until last Friday that is.

It wasn’t as bad as I had expected. From reading those womens magazines aimed at the 18-30 age bracket (you know the type) I had assumed it would be a fairly horrible experience. All the magazines say stuff like ‘have tissues ready so you can spit’, ‘have a strong flavoured drink nearby so you can wash out the taste’ or ‘if you are going to swallow make sure his penis is at the back of your throat so his cum misses the majority of your tastebuds’. I didn’t do any of that. It all just sort of happened. His penis wasn’t at the back of my throat, I didn’t have tissue ready so I could spit and I didn’t have a drink nearby either. I did swallow and his cum didn’t taste horrible. It didn’t taste of anything really.

Now after last weeks bruising activities I was keen to have another go, this time with rope.
As I’ve mentioned I’m not afraid to try new things and being tied up is something I’ve wanted to try for quite some time. Needless to say Mr Good-Company was more than happy to oblige.

Our activities started off as per normal, couch and then onto the bedroom, albeit they were a little rougher than normal. Then Mr Good-Company bought out the rope and I just cracked up laughing. He tied the rope to my right hand then slipped the other end underneath my back, tying my other hand. To complete the process Mr Good-Company then tied my hands together underneath my breasts. He did a pretty good job, my hands weren’t going to be moving anywhere for a while.

Mr Good-Company then proceeded to play with me. Kissing me, biting me and fucking me with his fingers and my purple dong. He rolled me onto my side and played with me in that position for a while before dragging me to the edge of the bed. With my head hanging over the edge of the bed, Mr Good-Company then placed himself over the top of me and proceeded to go down on me while I sucked his cock.

After that exersise Mr Good-Company then lay on top of me while roughly kissing and biting my neck, shoulders and nipples. Despite the fact that I knew was going to be pretty damn sore the next day, I was having a great time!

It was then Mr Good-Company’s turn for a bit of fun. He untied me and I went down on him for a while but in the end it was he who did most of the work whilst he finger fucked me with his other hand. To finish me off for the evening Mr Good-Company continued with his finger work. It was then Mr Good-Company’s turn once more.

All round it was a fun way to spend the evening, especially as the alternative was to continue my argument with facebook. I would definatly give being tied up another go. It was indeed a good evening.

Ahhhhh! Attack of the Horny Hormones!

At this stage in my life I have been menstruating for approximately 9 years. My cycle has been influenced by many things over the years from weight gain to weight loss to diet and the pill. But over the years we have come to know each other quite well. I have learnt to recognise its way of booking itself in for the week (sore boobs, pre-period pain and more general aches and pains). I’ve learnt how to deal with it during its stay, sometimes this visitor is a bitch and needs a lot of attention and at other times Aunty Flow is the perfect house guest. But in recent years I have watched with increasing curiosity how the rhythms of my menstrual cycle effect my libido.

In the week before the red river runs I become extremely horny. I will point out that I probably think about sex and it’s related activities a hell off a lot as it is (hey, gym is boring. I need to entertain myself somehow!), but during this time even my highly charged mind has trouble keeping up with the desires of my greedy body.

I have never known if this is how it is for every woman or if different people experience this at different times of their cycle, or perhaps (though unlikely) my body has great joy in my being tormented. So tonight after a particularly fun evening with Mr Good-Company (I will put that experience up tomorrow) I decided I would get my google on and do a little research. As I suspected, my body is not out to purposely torment me.

Now apparently it is quite common to be highly aroused during the 14 days before menstruation. This is apparently the time of ovulation and as such the time when there are increased levels of oestrogen and testosterone present in the body. Both males and females have varying levels of these two hormones; females have more oestrogen and males more testosterone.

As I’m sure we all know, testosterone is generally known as the male hormone. Though this hormone can elevate the libido, if your body begins to produce excessive amounts of it, perhaps because of a large weight gain or as a symptom of PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) then your periods may stop altogether as mine once did (and then the bastard had to come back with a vengeance when I lost the weight didn’t it). In males, testosterone is responsible for their sex drive and the more general ‘man’ characteristics.

Though males also have small levels of oestrogen, it is the hormone required for a woman to be fertile and also causes the good stuff, like our nice soft skin, our lack of facial hair and our wonderfully curvy figures that some women work so hard to eliminate.

Yet somehow, increasing levels of these two hormones, turn us into the human equivalent of rabbits. This does make sense as the 14 days before your period is the time when you’re at your most fertile, so in an evolutionary sense it does seem reasonable for us to want our brains fucked to pieces at this time. Unfortunately, many of us especially the singles amongst us and the virgins as well, aren’t exactly planning on popping out munchkins any time soon.

Instead of looking at this time as a sexually frustrating hell, I choose instead to make the most of it, knowing that in a few days, play time could become quite messy. My mind does it’s best to keep with my body, we manage to keep ourselves entertained quite well. I indulge in sexual fantasy, which isn’t something that generally turns me on, though it is something this blog has only encouraged. I find that I play with myself more than usual, in fact at times I am unable to bed myself down for the night until my body has had the release that it craves.

Thankfully for the moment my body feels quite satisfied, Mr Good-Company’s cramping fingers are testament to that. That said, despite my testament of satisfaction, I would happily go another round. I suppose that’s the downside for the poor guy that finds himself a 21 year old to play with who has had no sexual experiences; it’s almost as if she’s making up for lost time!

Friday, 25 February 2011

Introducing the Main Offenders

Let me introduce you to the few people I have actually met (in person) and those with whom contact exists only online. There are many other random 'offenders', but they are exactly that: slightly offensive (in a flattering sort of way). By this I mean they start of the conversation with "Hey sexy, want to meet up?'. Call me crazy if you like, but I just don't go for that. I'm quite happy to be called sexy (I'm a sucker for flattery), but wait until you've known me longer than it takes to accept a contact request. As for meeting up, I'm happy to do that, but not until I've several decent conversations with you and it certainly ain't gonna happen if you start with 'Hey sexy, wanna meet up?'.

Mr Good Company: As you may be aware, Mr Good Company was the both the first person I spoke to online and the first person I actually met up with. He is 22 years old and from Melbourne. On the dating site he lists his interests as 'beach, anime, writing, indoor soccer, monopoly, camping, generally rocking out, going out, music and reading'. I've already wrote bits and pieces about Mr Good Company, so onto the next offender!

Mr 1984: Mr 1984 is the second person I met up with in person. He is 26 years old and lives about 90 minutes out of town. I was rather hesitant about meeting him as we had only had the briefest online chats and exchanged a few texts. But I was in a bit of a 'why the fuck not?' mood so I agreed. That said I did try to back out the next day but since he was already in town I felt guilty so I met up with him anyway. We met up for coffee and just talked for a couple hours. He's a friendly enough guy and we just talked about random things such as work and movies. But after the first hour I was looking to do a runner. I'm not sure if it was my anxiety disorder kicking in as I was in the process of switching medications, or that I just didn't like him that much. In the end I made up some excuse about having to meet my mother and I bolted.

This guy certainly seems keen, his facebook status later that evening was along the lines of 'I met an awesome chick in town today', I am of course assuming that he meant myself. He also went out and watched/listened to movies and music I had mentioned liking. When I found this out I couldn't help but think 'this is a bit much isn't it?'. Due to my thinking that the reason I bolted was due to being under-medicated I decided to give him a second chance when he asked, via some comments on a facebook status I had posted, to meet up again.

Since I had no idea what you do when meeting someone during daylight hours in this town, I suggested watching a movie at my place. He showed up and we again talked the whole time throughout the movie (Sweeny Todd) and continued to talk as it played through again. This time (and again medicated) I knew why I had done a runner. Despite this guys friendliness and an almost puppy dog like need to please, I found him boring. He never disagreed with anything that I said and he didn't seem to have any real opinions of his own. Perhaps I have a high opinion of my own intelligence, but talking to this guy felt rather like talking to a 16 year old with a crush on you. Call me nuts if you like, but I like people with a fairly dominate personality. I like people that I can have a friendly debate with, people who are able to engage me in at least a moderatley intelligent conversation. Mr 1984 just wasn't that person.

I still remain friends with him on facebook, I know from his status updates that he is still watching through my favourite shows, but I am certainly less than keen to meet up with him in person again.

SNAG: I have never met SNAG. He is 24 years old and also lives about 90 minutes out of town. On the dating site he lists his interests as 'anime, table top role-play games, computers, technology, writing, martial arts, video games, audio books, spiritual readings, energy stone work, Doctor Who, professional wrestling - TNA, cooking, gaming, movies and music'.


SNAG and I have had many long MSN conversations, mainly playing what I call 'The Random Question Game'. This game involves each player taking turns to ask the other a random question. Both players must answer each question and answer honestly. If they deem there is a reason they don't wish to answer they can answer with an alternative, thought still honest, answer. From playing this game, SNAG comes across as a kind and quite sensitive guy. He is easy to talk to and generally responds quite promptly. He appears to be a fairly intelligent sort and is not afraid to state a differing opinion.

For some reason, in my mind anyway, he somehow fell straight into the 'friend' box. I'm not sure if it's my own weird vanity, let me explain that a bit further here: I am very tall, I generally don't mind this apart from the fact that I tend to go more for guys who are taller than me rather than shorter, perhaps it's a case of wanting that feeling of male dominance. SNAG is 4 inches shorter than me and that does seem to make him less attractive physically despite the fact that he is a fairly good looking guy.

The Shy Guy: Again, I never actually met The Shy Guy, but only had online conversations with him. He is 23 years old, a dairy farmer (in my head I can hear my mothers voice repeating the oft heard refrain of 'never marry a dairy farmer') and he lists his interests as 'movies, music, reading, cars and motoring'.

As his name suggests, it is very hard to have a conversation with The Shy Guy  He never volunteers information or talks about himself unless you directly ask him a question. I must admit I find this quite frustrating, as much as I do enjoy talking about myself, that is a very one sided conversation. I've tried to talk to him about his interests, but again, unless you ask him a direct question, you're just not going anywhere!

Due to this feeling of going nowhere, I am finding myself less and less keen to talk to him and then (I'm being rather petty now) there is the fact that he just disappears from being online. We'll be in the middle of one of these one-sided conversation and then he's just gone. Along with being on the receiving end of the silent treatment another one of my pet hates is people just disappearing in the middle of online conversations. At least say 'bye', there is never a reason for a lack of plain old politeness (unless it's the fault of a dodgy internet connection). But I'm just not sure. There's something about him.

Well, excluding various random 'way too soon for that' type conversations, that rounds up my stable of online friends. I keep hoping to make a few more, but this town seems to have a distinct lack of males (online anyway) who fall in with my criteria. As a side-note to that I will point out that I'm trying not to be overly fussy, I will meet up with guys who are shorter than me, but one of things I do have a problem with is meeting guys younger than me or a lot older than me. The young guys remind me of my little brother and I do have my suspicions regarding their level of maturity. As for the older guys they're just a little bit to old for me. There does seem to be few guys signed up to online dating in the 21-27 year age bracket. I suppose they're at the pub instead. Perhaps I'll end up there too one day. You never know what's going to happen in the future after all.

Thursday, 24 February 2011

Learning to Love Myself

I have always been a big believer in self-love, not the Oprah ‘love and respect yourself’ self-love, but the type that involves fingers, toys and bloody big smile on your face at the end. I am of course talking about masturbation.

I was 14 when I first began to go exploring inside my knickers. I remember I was watching the movie Election starring Reese Witherspoon and Matthew Broderick. To my innocent 14 year old mind this film was pretty full on! My hands slowly made their way into my pants and I started to feel around and rub myself. My fingers eventually found their way inside of me.

Now I had been playing with my breasts for several years by this point and I did enjoy that, but this was something else altogether! I did not achieve orgasm at this point in time, I didn’t really know what that meant either. It was probably another 12 months before I did manage this, and I’d thought I was having fun before!

I can remember writing a piece in my diary at the time, unfortunately I can’t seem to find the page now. I know that it went something along the lines of ‘Oh My God! I can’t believe I did that! I put my fingers inside me! Is that normal?’.

Now I am someone who learnt about sex from the dictionary. My advanced reading level meant that I occasionally had to look up words. One of those words just happened to be ‘intercourse’. Believe me, the definition completely grossed out my 11 year old mind. I don’t believe at the point of my self-exploration I had come across the word ‘masturbation’. I had no idea if what I was doing was even normal. I only knew that it felt really, really good.

I will now claim to be absolutely fantastic at getting myself off. Five minutes or less if I'm turned on, ten minutes if I’m not and am just looking for something to do. Mr Good-Company and I recently broke in a new toy of mine (also my first toy, hopefully in time there will be more). This toy is a rather large purple dong. As Mr Good-Company pointed out, it was probably a little bit ambitious for a virgin. But what can I say? Perhaps I am rather ambitious. It was certainly an enjoyable experience and since its trial run I have put it to good use most days. Next on my shopping list: a vibrator!

Now here are some random facts about masturbation:
  • Masturbation has greater acceptance amongst those with a higher level of tertiary education.
  • Over 50% of women masturbate to their imagination, whilst a further 21% use porn.
  • Women who masturbate have fewer sexual problems than those who don’t.
  • The majority of women will masturbate once a week, often not starting until their late teens. Men on the other hand, masturbate at least twice as often and usually begin around the age of 12-13.
  • Women can masturbate themselves to orgasm 95% of the time.
  • A sad, 25% of women don’t masturbate at all.
  • 10% of women have masturbated at work.
  • If you are a woman who has never masturbated it is quite likely you have never achieved orgasm.
  • Masturbation is good for you! It releases tension, leaving you nice and relaxed, is better than counting sheep and it feels bloody fantastic!

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

MSN conversation 06/07/11 - an 'Entertaining' conversation

This conversation occurred after I sent Mr Good-Company some slightly cryptic facebook messages saying that I want to have sex with him. This conversation occurred before the one that has already been posted.

Mr Good-Company says:
hey
Jess says:
hi
Mr Good-Company says:
hows life
Jess says:
is good
Mr Good-Company says:
back in town yet
Jess says:
yep. got back this arvo
Mr Good-Company says:
cool me too
Jess says:
lol
Mr Good-Company says:
back to work tomorrow?
Jess says:
me? nope. work is closed mondays
Mr Good-Company says:
cool
Jess says:
it is good
Mr Good-Company says:
lol nice fb messages
Jess says:
on the photo?
Mr Good-Company says:
lol no the inboxs
Jess says:
yeah i just realised wat u menat lol. blonde!
Mr Good-Company says:
ha
Jess says:
i will admit it, but i do blame the hair colour lol
so u liked the inboxes did u lol
Mr Good-Company says:
maybe
might give me the wrong impression
lol
Jess says:
and wat impresion did u get
Mr Good-Company says:
to have sex
Jess says:
you got the right impression
Mr Good-Company says:
reaaaallllly
Jess says:
lol
;)
Mr Good-Company says:
hehe
i could go some sex right now
lol too late though
Jess says:
lol. and i cant have any fun for a few more days
Mr Good-Company says:
thats gay
Jess says:
yep
since its too late for sex u'll just have to play with yourself instead
Mr Good-Company says:
indeed
porn time
Jess says:
lol
well i am eagerly awaiting the arrival of my new book of erotic stories. should be fun wen that one arrives
Mr Good-Company says:
i can imagine
Jess says:
really
and wat exactly are u imagining...
Mr Good-Company says:
licking your clit and
sliding my fingers in and out of you
Jess says:
 :)
ok, i might just have to start playing with myself tonight...
Mr Good-Company says:
what would you be thinking about
Jess says:
i would be wondering wat sex is gonna be like
thats wat i was thinking about wen i played with myself this morning. was a gd way to start the day...
Mr Good-Company says:
 :p
Jess says:
oh really lol
Mr Good-Company says:
i have the advantage of bein able to fantasize in more detail
Jess says:
you do indeed. and wat are you thinking?
Mr Good-Company says:
have to wait n see
Jess says:
aww thats just cruel
 :(
Mr Good-Company says:
 :P
Jess says:
i like hearing wat your going to do with me
Mr Good-Company says:
hmm well id start with taking all of your clothes off
Jess says:
good start lol
Mr Good-Company says:
and then id lie you down on my bed
Jess says:
keep going
Mr Good-Company says:
then id take off my shirt and pants and climb on top of you
id kiss your neck as i teased your clit with the end of my cock
Jess says:
i dunno about you, but this is turning me on. keep talking!
Mr Good-Company says:
then id suck on your nipple as i slide my cock down and up into your pussy slowly
id press my body down onto yours and start to thrust in you
slowly getting faster id arch my body up and hold onto your hips and move faster and harder
id fuck you hard untill your screaming
then id thrust hard into you and cum inside you
Jess says:
i very much look forward to all that
Mr Good-Company says:
lol
it would be fun
Jess says:
i'll have to trust you on that one lol
but i am definatly turned on already
Mr Good-Company says:
hehe better do something about that
Jess says:
who says i'm not
Mr Good-Company says:
i wanna see that
Jess says:
oh do you lol
Mr Good-Company says:
yep
Jess says:
maybe one day. in the meantime you'll have to use yor imagination
Mr Good-Company says:
hehe
Jess says:
:) 
well that was fun
Mr Good-Company says:
hehehe
Jess says:
:) 
so are you seriously watching porn?
Mr Good-Company says:
maybe
Jess says:
maybe meaning yes?
Mr Good-Company says::
yes
Jess says:
having fun?
Mr Good-Company says:
lots
Jess says:
good to know
and are you playing with yourself?
Mr Good-Company says:
mmhmm
Jess says:
im gonna assume thats a 'yes'
Mr Good-Company says:
yep
Jess says:
just  thinking about that...
so wat are you watching?
Mr Good-Company says:
was watching teen porn]
now im off to bed
Jess says:
teen porn?
Mr Good-Company says:
18 yr olds
look it up
Jess says:
gd to know lol
Mr Good-Company says:
lol most of it is just called teen their all about 22 and just look young
anywho goodnight
Jess says:
night then lol

Back to the story so far... and Jess gives her first Hand-job

Hmm, now so far in the story I still had the whole shy thing going. I was still very nervous around Mr Good-Company. I am, in general, not very good at relaxing around people, various things in my life have made me quite wary. 


Nearly each time Mr Good-Company and I met up he had 'serviced' me, yet I had done nothing for him. He had asked me if I wanted touch him, and I did want to. I was just scared/nervous/shy, I'm really not sure which. Perhaps it was a mix of all three. I'm not exactly sure why I felt this way, I mean the guy had seen me naked! What's left to be shy about after that? 


I now put my nervousness down to my absolute inexperience. Up until the point that I did eventually touch him, the only naked guy I had seen was the poor guy in a life-drawing class I once did. Even then I'm pretty sure I went bright red with embarrassment and there was a distinct lack of detail in the groin region of my otherwise fantastic drawing.


As he had on other evenings Mr Good-Company asked 'would you like to touch me?'. This time instead of saying 'no' my reply was 'Yes, but I don't know what to do'. 


Mr Good-Company then took my hand and placed it on his groin. I started to move my hand over his cock. Mr Good-Company soon stopped me and said 'It might be easier if I take these off' and he removed his pants. Mr Good-Company then placed my hand back onto his erect penis and began to move my hand up and down.

Needless to say this was the first time I had ever given anyone a hand-job. Unfortunately I can't really describe what it felt like. I can remember thinking at the time 'I can't believe that I'm doing this'. Mr Good-Company eventually let go of my hand and let me continue on my own. He put his hand back on mine when he was near cuming as my hand was apparently not moving fast enough.

I actually quite liked doing it, though I'm not sure what I had expected. I really enjoyed the sound and look of bliss on his face when he did cum. 

I was also loving the human contact, I think that was a large part of Mr Good-Company's appeal. I had never had anyone touch me in the way that he did, I had never been kissed or even had a member of the opposite sex hold my hand. Even in normal, day-to-day family life I do not receive hugs and kisses from parents or siblings. The only time that I receive such things is when relatives come to visit and they do the usual 'nice to see you' hug and kiss routine, and these times only occur perhaps once a year. 

My fear regarding mine and Mr Good-Company's arrangement is that when it ends I will now know what I am missing out on.  As much as I am really enjoying this experiment am glad I decided to give it a try, there is still that fear that perhaps ignorance truly is bliss.